Redhead Fangirl

Wednesday, September 24

Childfree

About 20% of women are childfree (not childless, which is a negative term) . About twice as many women in the last decade do not have children. My advice to friends who have children, but have friends that don't-- please ask us about our life and jobs once in a while. I'll listen to your late nights, coo over your kids, look at the endless photo albums...but, being childfree is another and completely valid choice too. I really do like kids, and can play all day with nieces, nephews, and friends kids.

And we'd love to see you once in a while without your kids, because you have that distracted look or can't really pay attention. (and please don't bring them in a fancy restaurant or bar or concert-- some places are for adults only.) Don't be that sad hipster parent.

Childfree by choice

No kidding!
NO KIDDING! is an all-volunteer, non-profit social club for adult couples and singles who, for whatever reason, have never had children.

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7 Comments:

At 4:15 PM, Blogger Rae said...

Amen! I don't see why people's choices to have kids or not are anyone else's business but their own. For YEARS we had people hounding us as to when we were going to have kids - and now that we are they want to know if this was planned! Our philosophy has always been to be happy in your current phase in life, and be glad with what you have! And I never, EVER ask people when they want to have kids.

 
At 7:54 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Spoken like someone who definitely does not have any idea what it's like to raise kids. You need to understand that when a couple has a child, their life as they knew it changes. For better or for worse depends on the couple, but it definitely changes.

Would we like to get together with our friends more often? Yes. Would we like to go to concerts and bars more often? Yes. However, those are things that do not compare with the new 'occupation' thrust upon us. We have these little clones of ourselves attached to us that call us 'Mommy' or 'Daddy.' We never stop being parents.

The attitude and condescension you show in your post is the main argument I've had with many friends over the years. Sometimes it's not so simple to just 'pawn' the kid off to someone so a parent can have a night out on the town. Do you know what we're thinking when we're out with people? We're thinking of our kids. Not in a bad way, but we're always thinking of them when we're away from them.

This is something you'll never be able to understand and appreciate. Until you decide to go down that road, try to be more patient and understanding. You think we look tired? Damn right we do. But this is actually more of a good thing than you may think.

Sure, the kids tire us out. But when they look at you in that way or say 'I love you, Daddy' or 'Thank you, Mommy,' it just melts your heart.

You see your nieces and nephews when you want to and get to see the cutesie side where they play with you and all that. You don't get to see the 45-minute struggle to get the pajamas on or the resistance they give you for 'just one more story.' Heck that last story kept happening for almost half an hour.

Maybe instead of forcing us to go places that are convenient for you, try meeting half-way sometimes. It doesn't have to be bars or concerts. Maybe let us pick the place sometimes.

I think you should stick to blogging about comics and stay away from giving child-rearing advice. Comics are your stronger suit.

Not by much, mind you, but that's definitely stronger than the other.

 
At 7:58 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Yes like anon said you should stick to comics. This post makes yourself sound so bitter and sad. why so angry?

 
At 11:25 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I think the above two anons mis-understood the post completely. This post is about validation of the choice not to have children. And for those of us that do not have children, we'd still like to see our friends without the kids in tow every once in awhile.

More and more of my friends have made the decision not to have children, yet there is a constant pressure from society that if you are married you should have children. Not so! Not everyone chooses that life.

 
At 8:34 AM, Blogger RedheadFangirl said...

Hm. This reminds me of the Dixie Chicks "shut up and sing". I only wrote a few sentences on my own blog on how I (and a lot of unspoken people) feel. To respond with over 9 paragraphs seems like perhaps your "main argument I've had with many friends over the years." bled into my simple post asking for respect for those with children and childfree. I won't even dignify the other rudeness.

And anon 2, of all the things I am, bitter, sad, and angry would be far from the top of anyones list if you knew me.

 
At 12:13 PM, Blogger ShoreTurtle said...

I re-read the original post after reading the harsh criticisms. I don't see the reason for the hate.

I agree that this post probably stirred up the emotions from anonymous 1's "arguments with friends over the years" on this topic.

The redhead is entitled to her opinion. If you don't like what she says, you're not required to read her blog, especially if you think so lowly about her writing.

I agree with anonymous 3 that you misunderstood or purposely ignored the point of the post. Being child free is a valid choice. There are resources for people who don't have kids.

Just because someone doesn't have children doesn't mean that they can't have an opinion about parenting or the behavior of children around them.

Posting negative comments anonymously is a cop out.

 
At 6:35 PM, Blogger Sherry said...

Holy cow redhead - I just popped to the comments to give you kudos for what you said - and my jaw dropped when I read the total craziness!

Not sure why anon #1 seems so angry at you - someone he/she doesn't know.

I don't hink you sounded bitter or sad - just honest. Seems some people can't handle honesty?

Anonymously commenting with harsh words like that is just plain lame.

 

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